My name is Catherine, and I am a recouping enthusiastic dependent speculator. On this 29th January 2007, it's officially 10th year of my recovery process, but I will always remember my history with gambling addiction.
Betting dependence took virtually all I had from me like family, friends, fame, occupations, my home, car, almost my marriage and cost me way more than money; it nearly causes me to lose my life twice to self-murder. At that suffering time, I also had undiagnosed mental and emotional health problems that I did not realize until 2002.
I came from the depths of hell, despondency, and hopelessness.
I woke up in the doctor's facility with swathes wrapped around both my wrists and could hear two individuals discussing blades everywhere throughout the family room as I passed out once more. All I recall was everything going dull in nothingness. Recently, I have become aware of what caused that empty feeling; It was caused by a collapse of my nervous system. A psychological/emotional pass out. After that, I went to see a dependence/emotional crisis centre.
I was on suicide watch the initial few days. Not long after, a therapist began working with me. What's more, obviously, I was additionally a habitual card shark as well. So, I began to work with a dependence counsellor also.
I had endeavoured to quit betting all alone yet felt I could control it all alone and I fizzled with many backslides and gorges even while in outpatient treatment. I suppose I had not arrived underneath still.
Even after staying for 20 days in a crisis centre and self-murder attempt!
My situation was a clear case of an Addiction. It is an illness that is so difficult to subdue. But can be done. My condition didn't end there.
Not because the compulsive gambling, I committed suicide again in 2006 for being unable to cope with the pressure of financial issues. It felt like I haven't completely recover my life including my financial condition.
First lesson? A well-balanced recovery plan. In 2006 I thought I could have a normal life without pills and treatment for my mental illness. I tried to survive without the pills and treatment sessions, I thought my sickness was caused by my gambling addiction that leads to PTSD, manic depression, mild mania anxiety and bipolar insomnia cycles and OCD. So, in a period of two weeks with no medications? I was back to intense depression and wanting to commit self-murder. My response? I consumed all my meds at ago. I had reached to that bad, black hole of gloom once again.
Back in the hospital again, another 16-day crisis centre stay and days of self-murder observation.
When they sent me home that time, I had the lessons that I need to be discipline in taking my meds so my mental illness will not bother me again and it stays under control, they called my situation as "dual diagnosis".
Challenges within the recovery process, with a little bit of belief, can enhance our horizon. If we are not studying them, we won't notice our development. Even if you don't get to choose your addiction, you may hit some rocks during recovery, and you should be prepared for it.
First, the characters and traits that we study and lift up within any dependence and "the cycle" of any dependence requires to be disrupted and removed for us to have an opportunity at an actual honest recuperation. It is essential segment of the rehabilitation process is in harmony. Taking in the aptitudes and instruments in treatment and treatment to break the cycle of enslavement and clear a way to dissipate control, foreswearing, reasons, and that's just the beginning.
Second, know that recovery is not an instant process. It is as crucial to consent as Step-one, complete giving in.
And third, having a solid 'Relapse Prevention Plan' is essential for anyone who commences recovery and wants it for a relatively long period of time. We all are aware that life events happen. Even joyful or favourable occurrences, not only bad or grievous ones.
I feel it is the reason Gamblers Anonymous put the question forward in our combo book of "The 20 Questions" to know if you have an issue with betting. It is the reason they pose #19.) "Did you ever have a strong need to celebrate any good luck by a few hours of betting?" It is an absolute YES! For me. When I got good fortunes, my first thought was to celebrate and have fun by gambling. At that time, my addiction toward gambling was so serious, I tried everything to control myself with, other than Gamblers Anonymous.
I utilized my gatherings and links there for my help and listening to other similar-minded dependents and have my thoughts of how subtle and crafty this ailment is. And GA made me know how necessary it is to be available for others through recovery service as others were there for me when I was a newcomer.
People need to start opening their minds and be reminded about this subtle addiction. There is a need to demolish the delusions and fabricated stories around addictions. This is the shortest and easiest path to eliminate the shame often associated with the addicted and those on the path to recovery. Yes, mental/emotional sickness in recovery can be a difficult task, but I think by telling people some of my experiences, vigour, and expectation, and sharing some of my stories can be an example that recovery is achievable, and we can live joyful, sound, and productive lives in recovery!